Jakeis.com – Depression, Anhedonia, and Stifled Creativity/Motivation

All yesterday:
just…
sitting at the computer…
because it’s the only major thrill in my life…
clicking the mouse in the dark not really doing anything…
Antipsychotics are doing this to me.
Off meds: I have so many ideas and creative impulses, that I have to write them all down and sketch thumbnails, so I do not forget them, and I could go for a walk and have 20 new projects for the week!
This is me right now. I know it’s my antipsychotics. The only possible way out of the dark is to go off my meds. I see my doctor/practitioner tomorrow. I hope I’ve compiled a convincing debate this past month.

On a more positive note…

I’m constantly tweaking my Twentysixteen theme… something to do…

Adam Ruins Everything on College Humor, spelled out that blue used to be feminine, and pink used to mean manly, until Hitler Nazis invented the pink triangle badge, and the colors flipped from the world influence. I’m not really representing anything, other than aesthetic, anyway. Pretties.

Dear Blog, SNOW??? – May 20th 2017


The famous bipolar weather of Nebraska. Snow for May 20th, 2017.
That’s the news! (something to blog about)

I’ve been sleeping like a hibernating bear this week. It’s been cold, which incidentally also makes my apartment 79-85°F because of my neighbors’ generous heating.

My sleep schedule has been out of whack since I started the Abilify shot. It antagonizes/blocks dopamine, and dopamine is what keeps you paralyzed when you sleep. So I’ll be awake for 20-30 hours and sleep 14-18 hours, or else I’ll only be awake 2-6 hours and sleep 2-6 hours all day/night. My circadian rhythm is like a rollercoaster. Also lack of dopamine creates crazy dreams and sleep-walking.

So snow in late May/Spring: that’s kind of cool, literally; I don’t know what else to write about it.

In other news, I finally created a child WordPress theme of Twentysixteen. This is because every time there was a theme update, I had to re-apply all of my HTML/CSS changes. I finally created a theme that won’t reset itself.

May 14th, 2017 – 5-14-17

Hello. I’m 33. Celebrate a birthday when you are 33. Cake photo from 2013 when the landlord hung the birthday card sign on my door. Carry on.

Google even got in on it. It seems I would have known about this.

I’m 33 and the time calculator I wrote confirms, right down to the millisecond.

In other news, I still have so much to backdate pre 2016 into this new WordPress: posts from my old blog and various deleted Tumblrs. Keep an eye out on older posts randomly appearing.

I saw this ^ in a b-day card. I don’t get b-day cards anymore.
 

Annual Haircut and a Tan

Before
After

I cut my mop off a few days ago. I cut my own hair like twice a year. I also helped brand my dad’s calves Saturday, which is an all day job of team wrestling the winter calves through a chute and giving them vaccines and stuff. We don’t rope and drag, but I have done that for other ranches back in high school (weekend beer money and FFA labor auction).

My brother gave me sunblock, but unfortunately my head is as red as turkey right now because I’m on Abilify Maintena which is in the class of antipsychotics that cause photosensitivity. They made me take a class on this in Bellevue Telecare because it was during summer.

Rock Your Biological Clock!



In my late-20s-early-30s, when all my old friends and so-called family were posting pictures of their babies on Facebook like they were family pets, and everyone caught each-other’s breeder fever from this media phenomena, I went out and got a clay doll at Earl May’s, and carried her home on my back… (April 2016)

My first baby weighed 60 lbs at birth. Suck it!



Seriously though, I have 5 nephews and like 14 second cousins or something now, all in the past 3 years. Dress up a cat or something.

Your magical pet baby has to live and watch you die and wander the Earth for a 21st century lifespan and this really sucks for your magical pet when he’s not a philosophical zombie like you. (you non-sentient)

RPG Maker MV Plugins By Me

I’m a user known as Mogwai on RPG-Maker-Web Forums. (random name I picked out; movie was made the year I was born)

Here is a short list of plugins I made, with screen shot samples.


PushEvents.js (push character/events plugin)

 


PlayerSelfiesFaceset.js (camera selfies face-set plugin)


CharacterFromGeneratorParts.js (dynamically created character sprites)


Export Messages To Text (.txt) – Saves all game dialogue for mass spellchecking


360 Racecar Movement

 


Drag and Drop Convert RPG Maker VX Ace game t0 RPG Maker MV game – VXA to MV

 


And here is a bigger list of all the plugins/scripts I made on request.


May Day – Abilifanxiety!

I’m freaking out right now. I had this when I lived in the city. I thought it was something toxic in the apartment.

So I’m on this involuntary Abilify shot for depression and mood swings. My hands are tingly, my vision is like shaky-cam, and my lungs are being hit by my rapid heart. Last time I was like this was October of 2015. Then, I called a crisis hotline and she just told me to watch TV until it goes away. I started the Abilify shot that month, so I’m pinpointing that as the cause. It feels like when I used to smoke marijuana in 2003 (little kind nugs that look like parade horse poo). That was a thing I never liked, because it was like dying every time, but I had to be a cool, party kid, poser and kept doing it anyway. COLLEGE!

Changing the topic because everyone hates anxiety…

In other news: I’ve got quite a nice little dev portfolio going on; too bad, it’s for a kids’ game making software. Yet, this is the stuff I’ve been working on for the past few months and I’ve never really blogged about it.

https://forums.rpgmakerweb.com/index.php?threads/neat-little-things-ive-discovered.77000/ (I’m the user named Mogwai, not to be confused with the more popular Mog, a guy who writes pro code, and is in the Navy.)

So I’ve compiled a list of all the tutorials and script requests I’ve been doing on the RPG Maker forums. This list doesn’t include my plugin releases, which is something else I need to get on this WordPress.

Luckily my Greasyfork profile has been silent (neither greasy, nor a fork). I’ve seem to have fallen off the grid, so I have more time to work on kiddie codes.

‘Member PacMan?


CLICK HERE >>   http://jakeis.com/pacman.html   << CLICK TO PLAY

I made PacMan in HTML. Something to do I guess.

Like all my HTML games, I used base64 inline files so it’s portable.

It’s also easy to cheat. Here are some cheats using the URL…

  • s=(stage)
  • l=(lives)
  • p=(points)

level 6 with 15 lives and 9999 points for example.
http://jakeis.com/pacman.html?s=6&l=15&p=9999

I deleted my older Flash Pacman because this one is more quality and I don’t have a license for Flash. I also don’t think it’s funny to joke about Pacman popping pills and dying anymore, because things happened in my life since I made that dumb game…

A little about this game:
It’s just another stupid time waster like all my games. Mine is a throwback to the Atari Pacman because the board colors are random. The ghosts are real stupid, but they are also real vicious (go hard or go home). They seem to jump over corners to get you, but I assure you the collision is there in the grid; it just doesn’t look that way because of the CSS3 transitions I animate movement with, and I don’t know how to detect x and y mid-transition.

Jakeis.com (JakeJilg.com) 2009 – 2017

Words from Jake…

2017

… (Abilify)
2016





2015

2013



2015

2015

… (Invega)
2014

2017

2017

2015

2016

2016

2015

… (Risperdal)



2012

2010

2009

2010

2009 JakeJilg.com

2006

2005

… (Depakote & Zyprexa)
2006

2002

2000

I look like every kind of uncle.

“Selfies” For Lack a Grownup Lingo for Self-Taken Self-Photos

Sorry for all the selfies. I didn’t want my gravatars taking up all that space in the sidebar, but I didn’t want to get rid of my pretty face.

Basically what I’m trying to show is my yo-yo weight tendency. I lose weight off meds, but right when I’m feeling comfortable with my size, the cops show up with a warrant, because it’s illegal for me to be average weight because my meds are involuntary (outpatient commitment).

I made a Time Calculator

http://jakeis.com/timecalc.html << Click; it’s in this link

It doesn’t know Daylight Savings… I don’t care. My dyslexia is spreading to my legs and if I don’t get off the computer soon they will have to amputated.

With this calculator, I learned that I am 32.9013711469929 years old as of this right now.

http://jakeis.com/timecalc.html << Click; it’s in this link

EDIT: I took out the GMT offset for reasons of my own cognitive failure, because it made 1 day = 18 hours in GMT – 6 (24 – 6 = 18) so if you want to calculate GMT/UTC offset, just take any time and, put N for hour in the difference column for time +/- N hours.

Some Photography of My ‘Lil Rock Baby

I got this used eBay Kodak camera and half of the time the zoom breaks and there is a black ring around the photos in the corner and the picture looks fish-eyed. Today I was lucky enough to get it to work. The quality is not very good either, but I’m no photographer. I probably should have shut the ceiling fan off because it creates an epilepsy inducing strobe light effect with shadows and the camera’s light sensors probably didn’t read well. I’ll try again some other time.








This one ^ is my favorite.

Youtube Curl MP4 Link Finder

http://jakeis.com/youtube/

This is an old thing I wrote in php that I had on my Hostgator hosted b9mx.com (a GoDaddy domain which now just redirects to my Freehand MX art blog, the new(ish) WordPress with all my art posts converted from the old Tumblr blog of the same name).

Youtube seems to have changed a lot so I can only get this to work half the time. I’m too lazy to fix it. For functionality purposes, web apps don’t do the best job of scraping the html for MP4 links with economy hosting resources; it works but by the time you download two of them, the third+ MP4 links have already expired because Youtube only provides a temporary MP4 link with each view. It’s the same MP4 provided to you with the HTML5 video player that automatically starts downloading anyway as soon as you view a Youtube video link, that is if the HTML5 player uses MP4 selected by your browser’s preferred video mime type.

I’m only putting this old web app up for historical purposes. I wrote a thing, I’m proud of it, and you can also view its source and see how it used to work on a 2014-2015 Youtube. 2017+ not so much…

The one part of this app that still works perfectly (I think) is the playlist grabber that simply does preg_match on all the video links in any playlist/channel HTML with curl. So you can get a quick list of video links to watch later and online I might add, instead of downloaded to be watched offline like a caveman, because it is 2017 and Youtube online quality is better than ever.

In other news, the subdomains comipo.jakeis.com and fhmx.jakeis.com are now forwarded.

Harold’s MineSweeper ’98

I made two MineSweeper games in one day since I learned the fancy algorithm to spread zero mine bomb spaces to the numbered spaces. The algorithm is a simple 4-direction boolean with recursion.

I made the first one with HTML. I made this one in RGP Maker MV. This one was harder to make. It’s more stimulating because it has music and graphics from RPG Maker. Yay!

Play it Online…
http://jakeis.com/HarloldMS98/www/






You probably don’t want to download a 130mb zip, but here are download links. Mv makes things big.

Mac Version (.dmg)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B5Wl5t3fnFXGN2NFcm5yY2ZkT0E

Windows Version (.zip)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B5Wl5t3fnFXGb1lQcXdCUF83Yzg

Or play online.
http://jakeis.com/HarloldMS98/www/

I’m so tired of MineSweeper.