My Arm Hurts and My Motivation is Dead (bump)

April 18, 2017

So this has been going on since December. My right arm hurts. Some weeks it’s not noticeable, but suddenly I’ll wake up and it’s super sore all over again. I’ve been getting my Abilify shot in the left arm because my right is so sore, so I don’t think it’s about the injections. However, this could be cogwheel dystonia. Seems something serious to talk to my prescriber nurse about.

I’ve seen this before, last summer when I was in Telecare, Bellevue.  Two other patients there kept complaining about their one arm hurting. It’s usually a thing about Haldol. I had better hope for Abilify, because it’s technically not neuroleptic, though you wouldn’t know it from reading the usual antipsychotic side effects in there.

My motivation is also dead. I’ve been real good lately, investing my time in some computer work. I’ve spent a week converting the canvas-drawn Window elements in RPG Maker MV into DOM elements for design purposes. It’s been real fulfilling and I didn’t think I was going to stop until I get it finished, but last Sunday my arm was super sore again and my motivational high is gone. Since then, all that I have had the determination to do is nothing; I’ll sit at the computer staring at nothing, clicking the mouse in the dark. If I didn’t know any better I’d say I’m receiving covert and heavy neuroleptic injections in my sleep and in my right arm. Abilify 400mg didn’t give me any cognitive/motor problems, and now I’m only on 300mg. Somebody is moving my shoes around too. I leave them in front of the door so I know if the door has been opened. They are definitely being moved. I’m going to have to set up my security cam DVR.

My Twitter is flushed full of crap, and I keep posting nonsense on obscure message boards because my mind is absolutely blank. I don’t have a valueble thought in my head. My game projects are sitting right there on my hard drive waiting for me to work on them and I’ll just open and close the documents. What fresh hell is this?

May 27th, I had an awesome day… I cleaned my apartment, did some artwork, and went for the first walk since October… my arm doesn’t seem to hurt anymore. I did pushups for the first time since summer 2016.

-=bump=- EDIT: May 29, 2017

Today I woke up my arm hurts again, and my motivation is also dead. I need to get it checked out, because it feels like an injury. The deep sadness feels pharmacological. The problem with covert meds is that I don’t know who to sue.

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