AKA No more meds (Nth time)
I could blog a Moby Dick novel worth of insight about being forced to take meds / secretly quitting meds, but I think I’ll just explain with pictures.
Here are two pictures of me in the same year (2015). I assure you I am the same person.
This is how I quit smoking. I write “Quit smoking!” on my last cigarette and then I just kind of keep it in a drawer. I purposely left a coffee ring next to it for this blog photo because I wanted to make smoking look as gross as it really is. My table is usually clean.
Putting it on my blog just kind of makes it official, even though I have not one sole reader, putting this fact in writing just kind of makes it more solid of a promise to myself.
I have 3 excuses that I starting smoking again in November.
- My involuntary meds make life unbearable.
- I was living with my dad again and he smokes like a chimney and in the house too, and when I’m around smoke all the time I get headaches if I don’t also smoke.
- This \/This ^… That’s my apartment temperature right now. Nuff said
When my apartment is a sauna, I need an excuse to stand outside in the snow and not look weird. So, I live in an apartment and my neighbors are old and feeble and they involuntarily heat my apartment generously. I didn’t have to run the heater all winter. This isn’t even one of the cold days; then my apartment gets really warm.
Quitting smoking for me usually means a thing, and it’s illegal for me to do because of my out-patient commitment (force med order), but- by crackers! I have to try again!
Living healthy this past 10 years, usually means going off my meds. The difference can literally be read in the 70-100 lbs difference on the scale.
My Abilify Maintena shot was scheduled on the 15th. I’m not going to get it. I’ve got to explain all this to my prescriber nurse next month. My shot is causing cogwheel dystonia anyway and I can’t live with this arm pain. Cogentin (Benztropine) does not help. I’ve also read that neuroleptic motor side effects can become permanent. My face is doing involuntary goofy looks too. EDIT 4/21/17 : I talked it over with my dad and I’ve decided to get the shot at least this month. I’m going to need to taper off, to quit the shot safely anyway. I really need to discuss it with my prescriber.